What if this was the last time you ever spoke with them? – Unknown
Relationships are hard. Sometimes it gets tense. Sometimes you just want space and everything they say grates your nerves. But we don’t know how much time we have on this Earth. What if they stormed out after an argument and got in a car accident later that day? What if this was the last time you ever spoke to them?
I’m just saying time with people we care about is precious, even when times are hard. So try to find compassion. And especially if there’s uncomfortable conversations that need to happen, be patient, kind, and say what you need to say. Because we don’t know how much time we have, and putting off hard conversations doesn’t make them easier.
The more time you spend thinking about yourself, the more suffering you will experience – Dalai Lama
My darkest moments are when I get stuck in my own head. That’s when I get more critical, more negative, more angry. But when I go out into the world, immerse myself in all the goings-on of my loved ones and community, and get out of my head…things change. This quote rings incredibly true with me because the more I think about myself the less happy I am. Not everything is not about us, and life gets better when we stop pretending it is.
Codependency is when two people are responsible for each others’ happiness – Unknown
It feels good to save someone else. Solving their problems is more fun than solving yours. But this is not sustainable. There will be a time when you can’t solve their problems, and then what? Or what if they don’t appreciate your help as much? Ultimately hiding from your problems inside a relationship does not work. You can’t find love by running from pain.
Our enemies are not demons, but human beings like ourselves – Tao Te Ching
It’s so easy to demonize others. To think they are scheming against us, plotting, hating. But that’s rarely true. Usually they are scared and trying to get control of something. Or insecure and defensive. They’re just human. I try to remember this because demonizing others doesn’t help anyone, it just makes you stop trying to understand them. It’s better if you can use questions connect instead of building walls.
What are you not saying that needs to be said?
What is being said that you’re not hearing?
How am I being complicit in furthering something I say I don’t like?
– Jerry Colonna
These questions hit like a sack of bricks. If you dig deep on your uncomfortable feelings there’s a lot you can dig out. Often you’re angry because you’re hurt. Or cruel because you’re insecure. You can really examine these feelings to find emotional needs that need to get out. And they are usually really important.
Examinging these is important because you can’t heal an injury until you stop lashing about. And if you look at your biggest pains over time, you’ll probably find some patterns.