How long have you been running from your pain? You’ve ignored, numbed, denied, hidden, and lied. You’ve done everything but heal your old pain. You turned your head away from wounds gushing blood, as if not seeing would make the bleeding cease.
I’d be a hypocrite if I asked you to heal for your own sake. I never did that. I stayed in bad relationships because I didn’t want to break up and hurt their feelings. It sounded noble the first time. But the second time? The third? The fourth? Saying what someone wants to hear is not as important as telling them the truth. The comforting lies coming out of my mouth started to sicken me. I broke down when I saw it was a habit. I was not a victim in a hurricane disaster zone. I was the hurricane. They were the victims.
Pain does not have to be a part of your identity. Bad habits should not be quirks. Coping mechanisms don’t become less damaging with repeated use. And you’re not the only one paying for these mistakes.
It’s easy to pretend like you’re not hurting anyone right now, and maybe you’re not. But there’s a lot of people you haven’t met yet. What next significant other or friend is going to get blindsided by this unhealed pain you have? How will you take it out on them accidentally? Usually our old pain doesn’t hurt others on purpose anyway. But if we never try to heal then we’ve left a landmine buried for someone else to find.
Please don’t take this as me saying you’re broken. This is probably not your fault, even if it is your responsibility. I am not upset with you, I’m just worried for the people around you. I wish someone would have held me accountable to doing the right thing before I accidentally hurt others. I wish someone would have told me “You’re gambling with money that isn’t yours.” Not literal money, but time and emotions and pain, which can be worth far more.
Today is the perfect day to start healing those old wounds. It can be hard, I’m the first to say that. But this is bigger than us. This is patching the hole in our part of the boat so that other people don’t sink too. This is curing our disease so we don’t spread it to others. I need you to heal yourself so you can do right by others. You deserve to get the most out of life without this pain, and they do too.
The price is very high if you continue to run from this. Someone will have to pay the price for the wounds you never healed.
Further Reading: If this post resonated with you then I highly recommend The Inner Child Workbook Cathryn Taylor. Much of my bad habits and pain stemmed from events in my past I was not comfortable talking about with a therapist. But this book uses self-paced exercises and prompts to help you identify which parts of your development were impeded and cause issues today. It made a huge difference for me to know where to start and eventually feel ready to get help and change old habits. It’s never too late to heal, and continuing to ignore it won’t heal anything.